Personal favorite is twat waffle
There’s a particular BBC comedy that you can mine for insults once you’ve established no-one else present has seen it.
- He’s so dense light bends around him.
- As useless as a marzipan dildo
- As useless as lube at a funeral
- I’ve never seen anyone look so fucking ugly with just one head
- Do you know 90% of household dust is made of dead human skin? That’s what you are to me.
- Watching him work is like watching clown running across a minefield.
- He’s here, depriving a village somewhere of their twat.
- I’m like flypaper for dickheads today.
- Sorry I’m late. Traffic was an absolute bitch. No offence.
They couldn’t pour water out of a boot if the instructions were on the heel
We have a similar one to this when someone is incompetent which is “They couldn’t organise a pissup in a brewery”.
Please apologize to the tree that produced the oxygen you breathe.
“Wisdom pursues you, but you’ve managed to outrun it.”
or
“Wow, it must have taken all three of your brain cells to come up with that.”
“Wow, you’re the worst part of both your parents”
I refuse to play mind games with the unarmed.
“Are you a professional moron, or just a gifted amateur?” - Carl Johnson, GTA: San Andreas. Top tier.
I go with “Are you a professional fuckwit or is it just a hobby?” But its really the same joke.
